If you catch me in a vulnerable moment when I’m not worrying about others’ opinions, I might tell you it feels like my injury isn’t fair.
What does “not fair” mean?
Mostly I’m acknowledging my disappointment because things didn’t turn out as I expected. Probably there’s some entitlement – things like this aren’t supposed to happen to people like me.
I’m not so concerned about fairness when it happens to others.
And it highlights my clinical depression. I’d like to be the optimistic, count-my-blessings guy in every circumstance. Sadly, my brain doesn’t work that way.
So what to do?
I remind myself that it’s okay to feel what I feel, as long as I also remember that feeling something doesn’t make it true. And if that sounds confusing – yes, it is.
So I try to not condemn or judge myself. That’s only gonna make things worse, which is why I write this. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone. Maybe you need to offer yourself a little grace as well.
Life’s filled with real unfairness, and frankly a lot of it is tilted my way. I get the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I started with lots of cultural advantages that have multiplied during my lifetime.
But there was that one moment…and today that just feels unfair.
+ + +
This is NOT about feel sorry for Rich.
I think most of us, at some point, feel overwhelmed. Illness. Death. Broken relationships. It’s hard sometimes not to feel like maybe the deck was stacked against us.
My friend Jon Swanson from 300wordsaday.com wrote a little book titled This Is Hard.
Jon’s a hospital chaplain. He shared some thoughts about what to say when people feel overwhelmed. Becky and I found it helpful. We shared it with friends who were struggling. It seemed useful.
No magic answers. Sometimes all you can say is, “This Is Hard.”