I spent ten years hurting people.
After my injury (I’m in a wheelchair because I fell nine feet while installing Christmas lights) I was miserable, angry, and certain no one would ever love me. When you’re hurt, you want to hurt back.
It wasn’t like I got out of bed every morning and said, “Hey, I think I’ll see how many folks I can push away today. And while I’m at it, I’ll try to pick on the people who are trying hardest to help me.”
I didn’t do that, but that’s what happens.
Hurt people hurt people
I had a disability. Not that one, not the one you can see. We’re not defined by our circumstances. I’m not defined by my wheelchair.
The disability that defined me was in my head. I didn’t believe I was worthy of being loved.
You see, I knew a lot about Jesus. I heard the words, read the books, knew the stories. In Bob Goff’s terms, I was a sort of creepy stalker of Jesus. I followed Him around and knew a lot about Him without ever actually meeting Him.
All head. No heart. No real relationship. And without that relationship I couldn’t truly understand grace. Or forgiveness. Or unconditional, sacrificial love.
Even worse, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I thought I had it all figured out. If everyone would just understand that my life was over, everything would be a lot easier.
Of course, God had a different perspective. He didn’t see me as “guy in a wheelchair” or “guy whose life is over.”
He saw the guy He loved enough to give His only son’s life for.
Took more than ten years to transform that from “head knowledge” to “heart understanding.”
I finally understood, as C.S. Lewis’ said, “The only things we can keep are the things we freely give to God.”
So I let go of the anger, frustration, and pain. Rather, I tried to let go of them, because it’s not easy and it’s something you have to do again and again.
Why am I telling you this, and what’s it got to do with riding bikes?
I’m telling you because the only reason for having a story is to share it, because our stories connect us, because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who needs to accept forgiveness and let go of anger and resentment. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who needs to let Jesus out of my head and into my heart.
And bike riding is how the whole thing began. Here’s a video of the cliff notes version.
Or check out a great book for the complete story.
Maybe you’ve never been there. If so, I’m glad. But perhaps you know someone who has, and you can share this with them and they’ll know they’re not alone. It’s good to know there’s hope.
Hope changes what’s possible.