Kids ask great questions.
They’re honest and curious. They get past the stuff most adults are afraid to talk about. Whenever I talk to a group of students about issues related to abilities and disabilities, some version of this question often arises.
“How should we approach someone who appears to need help without offending them?”
It’s a wonderfully sincere inquiry. Without getting too deep into the underlying issues, I suggest they consider the difference between helping and serving.
Frankly, I’m not a fan of helping.
“Helping” implies something about the powerful assisting the weak. I’m bigger, stronger, or smarter, and I’m willing to help you. If you’re the person being “helped” you are implicitly inferior. An attitude of superiority perpetuates a feeling of helplessness in others. It’s as though I’m broken, and you as the expert are willing to fix me.
On the other hand, service implies humility. It’s more of a willingness to partner with another person, to travel beside him on his path. Perhaps it’s a sense that service offers who I am rather than what I can do.
So to those who want to assist without offending – I suggest that service involves a relationship, taking time to care for more than just an immediate need. Perhaps when offering to perform a task, the servant also stops to chat for a moment. While it takes more time, this extra step communicates a sense of equality that touches and enriches both people.
It may seem a small distinction, but the attitude behind the difference is profound.
If you’ve read RELENTLESS GRACE you know it’s a story of service, of people who went far beyond helping. The characters set aside their own needs and extended themselves into a difficult situation. They helped with specific tasks, but the true difference they made flowed from the lasting relationships they fostered. Actions mattered, but friendships changed the course of a life. (BTW – If you haven’t read RELENTLESS GRACE what are you waiting for?)
Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, the servant of all.” (Mark 9)
How have you experienced the difference between help and service?
[…] Last time I suggested serving might be better than helping. […]