I’ve lost a few friends.
Hopefully not too many of the in-person, face-to-face kind, but I’ve definitely lost some social media friends.
A few weeks ago when the streets filled with protesters I made a commitment to listen. It was clear to me that people had something to say, something I didn’t truly understand. So instead of reacting or arguing, I decided to try really hard to listen, to learn, to hear what these folks have been saying for a very long time.
I’ve realized that authentic listening is, by itself, a threatening activity for many people. The very notion of allowing someone to voice a different perspective appears to frighten those who live in self-contained silos of opinion and information.
Dialogue is impossible in an environment characterized by pre-scripted talking points and instant counterpoints. Listening means setting aside agendas and the need to respond and be right.
Apparently some of my friends believe listening equals agreement. They imagine that simply allowing space for expression, asking clarifying questions without an argument, somehow imperils their position or belief. So I’m unfriended, unfollowed, or blocked.
I’m sorry for that, but I’m reminded that Jesus wasn’t primarily concerned with accumulating friends. He risked alienating the popular crowd by hanging out with and listening to a Samaritan woman. He ate and talked with sinners and tax collectors. He showed mercy to a disgraced woman. He eventually lost more than friends. He lost His life because He was more concerned with truth than with popularity.
I’m not intentionally trying to offend anyone. Some folks seem to think losing friends by saying something obnoxious is some sort of badge of honor. I know I tend to be a bit sarcastic, but I’m trying to follow Paul’s guidance: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
However, it’s not always up to me. At some point, we all have to choose.
I’m more interested in doing what’s right than what’s popular.