If you have no heart to change it, you have no right to criticize it. Mark Twain
I recently declined a friend’s request for “constructive criticism.”
He seemed a little confused when I offered to provide feedback instead. Dreamers need lots of feedback, but they need to learn how to tune out the inevitable critics.
Criticism is a passive-aggressive form of boasting. Critics often claim they’re trying to help, but the real intent is to draw attention to themselves by finding fault or highlighting some flaw or failure.
In a sadly transparent admission of impotence, the bully/critic tries to raise his perceived status by tearing down someone else. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most fools do.”
Criticism is often simply a cheap way to create artificial controversy. Talk radio and cable “news and commentary” fill endless hours with disrespectful shouting. An argument draws a crowd, especially a loud argument, and criticism is mostly about drawing the crowd.
Criticism often invokes the mob mentality. One guy screams and everyone else parrots and shouts, “Yeah, right. What he said!”
If you wonder about a critic’s motives, watch what happens when the spotlight fades. The critic immediately moves to the next topic, because it was always about attracting attention. It was never about actually working for positive change, because that’s usually done in the background.
FEEDBACK
Feedback differs fundamentally from criticism, because feedback occurs within a relationship. Feedback conveys a desire to help, a willingness to step into a valued process at the risk of personal sacrifice. Feedback comes from someone who’s involved, while criticism originates from those outside the fray.
- Feedback seeks to build, create, and improve. Criticism aims to destroy and tear down.
- Leaders provide feedback. Bosses criticize.
- Feedback is hard work. Criticism is easy.
- Feedback comes from a position of humility and service. Criticism involves authority and centers attention on the critic.
- Feedback values people and processes and requires relationship and trust. Criticism focuses selectively on results to devalue individuals and their efforts.
- Feedback requires an emotional investment from the giver, and has the potential to build the emotional reserves of the receiver. Criticism reverses the process.
- Feedback happens during the process, when you might get your hands dirty (and make a difference). Criticism often happens when it’s all over.
- Feedback needs to be carefully evaluated by the receiver. Criticism needs to be discounted and discarded, though doing so is not easy.
- Feedback is communication. Criticism is gossip.
- Feedback can be painful, but it offers the possibility of growth and improvement. Criticism is hurtful by nature.I want authentic feedback, even when it’s difficult or even painful to hear. I want a circle of folks who care enough to take the risk of helping me to improve, and I hope I’m open to considering and acting on that sort of input.
I also want to identify and ignore criticism and critics. Without being disrespectful, I want to dismiss criticism as an inevitable result of trying to accomplish something meaningful. In fact, perhaps the presence of a cynical critic is a sign that I’m on the correct path.
I want feedback from people I trust and respect. As someone once said, “No statue has ever been created to honor a critic.”
Let’s be willing to invest in others by offering feedback. And let’s avoid being critics.
When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it says a lot about our own need to be critical.
How do you see criticism and feedback?