We were listing obstacles, roadblocks in the path of following a dream.
“Certain kinds of people.” Lots of agreement on that one.
“Any specific kind of person?”
“Yeah, people who won’t listen.” Again, lots of agreement. This was a big deal.
“Okay, you’re gonna have to clarify that one.”
“A lot of us, especially me, have gotten in trouble because we can’t walk away when somebody won’t listen. For example, you try to tell them something that’s for their own good and they ignore you.”
“Okay, let’s see if I get it. You want to change another person and you’re frustrated when it doesn’t work, right?”
“No! Well, yeah, but it’s for their own good!”
“I’m sure it is. But how do you like it when someone tells you to change?”
Silence.
“Me either. It’s a fact. You can’t change other people.”
“But why would someone keep doing something they know is hurtful to others? Why would they keep doing dumb stuff?”
I let that question hang in the air. “Lots of reasons. But let me say this again. You. Can’t. Change. Other. People. Period.”
# # #
I was wondering where this discussion would go. I’m okay with open-ended discussions and letting God direct things. This one definitely required some guidance.
# # #
“Didn’t Jesus talk about agape?” We’d discussed agape earlier. The guy who spoke up hadn’t said a single word until now.
“So how does that work here?”
“”Well, agape is ‘unconditional, sacrificial love,’ so maybe when people won’t listen we’re just supposed to love and accept them even if they do stuff we don’t like.”
I wanted to go hug him, but I contained my exuberance and waited. “Easier said than done,” grunted another man.
“Of course. I guess that’s the ‘sacrificial’ part?” He looked at me.
“Yeah. We say these words in church and they sound all nice and clean and easy. But nothing about ‘Love your enemy’ is easy.”
“So you’re saying when someone won’t listen we’re supposed to love them?”
“I’m saying we’re supposed to love anyone…no matter what. Even if you don’t like them. And I didn’t say that, Jesus did.”
They looked confused. “But…how’s that going to get them to listen?”
I chuckled. “Guys, agape isn’t some cosmic manipulation technique. You don’t love someone because you want them to be different.
“You love them for who they are. As they are. Warts and all. The way God loves you.”
“Unconditionally. Because if you love someone for what you get out of it, that’s not love.”
# # #
What a marvelous conversation! Those guys were right, though.
This love stuff sounds so simple when you’re telling someone else about it.
My problem? I can’t deal with people who just won’t listen.
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