How do you get past the regret?
The guy’s probably mid-forties, said he’d spent most of his life hiding in the bottom of a bottle. He’s tired of that life, made a commitment to figure out how to stay sober, and that’s how he ended up in the group of guys I spoke to Monday at Harvest Farm.
He said he knew he was broken, and he was okay with admitting that. But he couldn’t manage to let go of the regret.
I asked if he had an easier question.
We had a lot in common. We’d both had, and lost, a lot. We both were harmed by people we trusted and harmed people who trusted us. We’d forgiven those who hurt us, but despite our best efforts hadn’t quite forgiven ourselves.
We laughed together, because we both knew better and we both knew that knowing alone isn’t enough. Regret settles in a heart-space where knowledge can’t reach, a spot only God can touch. Most folks don’t want to see it, so we cover it with simplistic platitudes.
We wondered together if we’re too hard-headed, or hard-hearted, to let God in, if maybe we’re hanging onto regret because we’re afraid of what might happen if we released it. It’s the sort of conversation that happens when you ask What’s The Fear?
I apologized for not providing an answer to his question. He thought for a minute and replied, “You know, I’m actually glad. This is better.”
I asked him to explain.
Basically he said that Christians seem like they have to have an answer for everything, and it felt good to talk to someone who believed in Jesus and had the same dumb question he did.
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I think there’s a lesson in there somewhere. I never want to be afraid to say the truth I know, and I never want to fake struggle or victory or use my story to manipulate others. Folks see through that stuff a mile away.
But there’s a time to be real, to honestly say I don’t get that either. And if you listen and find the right moment, God connects you in a way theology and nice simple platitudes never will.
My conversation with this guy was a mess. As I drove home and reflected I realized something.
Jesus wasn’t afraid of messes.
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