Winning Or Winner?

I’m sharing some excerpts from my in-progress manuscript about Rich’s Ride. You can check out previous posts here.

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One of many remarkable experiences on RICH’S RIDE was addressing a high school soccer team in Carbondale, Illinois.

Speaking to a team, especially in a pre-game setting, was a new opportunity. I wanted to say something meaningful without overwhelming them, so I began with a simple question. “When a game ends, how do you know if you won?”

Eyes migrated toward the scoreboard at the south end of the field. A few pointed. Pretty obvious—the team with the most goals wins the game.

“And who knows which team won?”

They hesitated before someone replied, “Well, everyone. You just have to read the score.”

“Of course. Everyone knows which team won. Now here’s a tougher one.

“Who controls the outcome of the game?”

Immediately one player shouted, “We do!”

I waited and let that idea sink in for a second. “Really? You’re in complete control of the outcome?”

Of course they knew better. All good coaches acknowledge issues beyond players’ command and encourage their team to focus on what they CAN control. We listed a few examples of other factors that might influence a game’s outcome: weather or field conditions, opponents’ skill and resolve, good/bad bounces, officials’ decisions. It’s just a fact: sometimes the best or most determined team doesn’t win the game.

Then I changed course. “How do you know if you’re a winner?” Curiously, no one looked at the scoreboard. “And who knows if you’re a winner?”

It was quiet, so I waited. Finally a young lady said quietly, “I do.”

I smiled. “That one’s harder, huh? The scoreboard tells who won, but only you, in here,” I put my hand on my chest, “can know if you’re a winner.”

At this point I felt uncertain about how much deeper to go. I know how coaches feel about cluttering their players’ minds before a game. But I had the sense that this coach would be okay with talking about something bigger than game strategy, and it was sort of too late to stop anyway.

I adapted my notion of “being a winner” from the television show Friday Night Lights, which followed a coach and his team through the craziness of Texas high school football. The team adopted a unique rallying cry that reflected the difference between “winning” and “being a winner.”

“Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.”

I explained it to the players.

“Have you ever tried to look in a mirror after you ‘got away’ with something? Maybe you broke a rule or lied and didn’t get caught, or took a short-cut in a practice drill and the coach didn’t notice. Maybe you know you didn’t give your best but somehow it worked out okay and now everyone’s patting you on the back and telling you how great you are. And maybe you smile and accept the praise, but when you look in the mirror it doesn’t feel so good.

“Do you know the feeling I’m talking about, when it’s hard to look at the person in the mirror because he or she knows you’re hiding something?” A few heads nodded slowly. “We’ve all had that feeling. We all know what it’s like to think we got away with less than our best, only to endure that crummy feeling of being afraid to face the person in the mirror. It’s like you almost can’t look, or you want to hide.”

So far this wasn’t exactly a rousing pre-game speech.

“Now turn it around. Think about what it’s like to look in the mirror when you know you did the right thing, when you know you did your best. Maybe you’re disappointed because you didn’t get the results you wanted, maybe nobody else noticed Is it different to look in the mirror?”

Heads nodded.

“That’s CLEAR EYES. When you can gaze at man or woman in the mirror and not be afraid or look away, when YOU know that he or she knows you did it right, you’re a winner. Winners live with clear eyes.

“Now think about the people who care about you: family, friends, teammates. Think about what it’s like when you know you let them down because you didn’t keep commitments or do your best. Maybe it’s gossip, or you didn’t hustle on a play, or you weren’t where you said you’d be. And let’s say they didn’t notice.

“What’s it like to face them around the dinner table or in the locker room? They don’t know, or you don’t think they know. Where does that hurt?”

I pointed to my head. No. Then I put hand on heart. Heads nodded.

“Now think about the locker room when everyone gave it everything they had. Think about how it feels when you know you kept your promise when it was hard, when you made a tough play for a teammate.” They were smiling. “Where does that feel good?”

Several kids pointed to their chest.

“That’s a FULL HEART. A full heart is about love. It means you’re connected to your friends, family, or teammates. It means you’re willing to sacrifice for their benefit, for some goal that’s bigger than self-interest. When you have a full heart, you know it’s not about you. You’ve got your buddies’ backs, and they’ve got yours.

“When you play like that, when you live like that, you’re filling your heart with love. That’s what winners do. Winners live with full hearts.

“If you play, if you live, with clear eyes and a full heart, you’re a winner.

“You may not always win. You don’t control the scoreboard. But you can always—ALWAYS—be a winner!

“And here’s the really amazing thing. We’re wired to live with clear eyes and a full heart. We’re created to be winners. And when we operate like winners, we give ourselves the best chance to win.

“There’s no guarantee. We all know that losers sometimes win in the short term. But being a winner, living with clear eyes and a full heart, gives us the best shot at winning in the long run. And that’s what matters.”

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One-shot inspirational speeches probably aren’t the best way to create lasting impact. I don’t know how much those kids really assimilated my message. They smiled and nodded, but I’m sure their minds bounced in a thousand different directions and I was just some old guy on a crazy bike ride. I guess my best hope might be that something clicked with one or two kids and maybe added to stuff they’d heard before.

I do know that the team lost their game, 2-1. Thus endeth my budding career as pre-game speaker guaranteed to produce wins.

I thought a lot about clear eyes/full hearts during the ride. We made mistakes, missed opportunities, and discovered better ways of doing many things. I suppose the scoreboard might argue either that we won or lost. Like the game, that outcome’s mostly beyond our control.

But when you take a God-sized risk and chase a dream, you hit the pillow each night with clear eyes and a full heart.

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