To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. Lewis Smedes
Don’t you hate it when faith conflicts with feelings?
If you’re any sort of sports fan you know about Michael Vick. He’s a pro football player who was convicted and sent to prison for financing and participating in a dog fighting operation. The details are literally unspeakable. You can Google him if you wish. I wouldn’t recommend it.
He’s out of prison and playing football again. He served his sentence, apologized, and received a second chance. He’s playing well, and by all accounts has turned his life around.
I hate what he did to dogs. His actions were despicable, horrific, evil—I can’t list enough adjectives to adequately portray my disgust. You can look at the pictures on my site and get a clear indication of how I feel about dogs in general and my dog specifically. Even if you don’t particularly like dogs you have to be sickened by what he did.
I’m glad he was caught and convicted and sent to jail. But now that he’s done with that portion of his life, there’s a big place in my gut that just doesn’t want him to succeed. In fact, I have this almost visceral desire to see him suffer more.
Am I the only person who struggles with this? Have you ever encountered a situation in which you didn’t feel like forgiving?
I listened today as someone publically ripped at Mr. Vick. It’s obvious that many folks feel like I do. They’ll never see him as anything but a vile, repulsive figure. As I listened, I acknowledged something I really don’t like:
I do not feel forgiving toward this guy.
In a few days we’ll celebrate Jesus’ birth. He came so I could be forgiven. All of my mistakes, awful choices, and failures are washed away because of the horrible price He paid.
My selfishness slapped me in the face.
Jesus came so Michael Vick could be forgiven.
I don’t have to approve of what he did. I don’t have to like him, or trust him, or admire him.
But if I’m going to be true to what I believe, I do have to respect him and love him. And yes, I do have to forgive him.
Like Jesus said, it’s easy to love those who love me back and share my values and do nice stuff to dogs. The tough part is loving the unlovable and respecting people when I feel like punching them.
The hard part is forgiving someone I don’t feel like forgiving.
I’m reminded that forgiveness isn’t a one-time event. I can’t just say “I forgive” while secretly hoping he blows out a knee.
Forgiveness is a decision followed by a difficult process. I decide to forgive and then I confront my judgmental feelings. I continually remind myself that I forgive because I’ve been forgiven. When I feel like he doesn’t deserve it, I remember that little baby.
I remind myself that I don’t deserve the grace He brought to the world. He gave freely what I could never earn.
I don’t feel like forgiving, but I want to do it anyway. I guess that’s where I begin.
That’s my Christmas wish.
Do you fight this kind of internal battle? How do you get past it?
Please leave a comment.
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