Last week I spoke with a group of high school students at a wonderful event called Abilities Day. One of the great questions they asked was, “How should we approach someone who appears to need help so we don’t offend them?”
This question encompasses a range of issues, but one thing I suggested was to consider the difference between helping and serving.
“Helping” implies something about the powerful assisting the weak. I’m bigger, stronger, or smarter, and I’m willing to help you. If you’re the person being “helped” you are implicitly inferior. While that may be objectively true, an attitude of superiority perpetuates a feeling of helplessness in others. It’s as though I’m broken, and you as the expert are willing to fix me.
On the other hand, service implies humility. It’s more of a willingness to partner with another person, to travel beside him on his path. Perhaps it’s a sense that service offers who I am rather than what I can do.
When the kids appeared puzzled, I suggested that service involves a relationship, taking time to care for more than just an immediate need. Perhaps when offering to perform a task, the servant also stops to chat for a moment. While it takes more time, this extra step communicates a sense of equality that touches and enriches both people.
It may seem to be a small distinction, but the attitude behind the difference is profound.
Relentless Grace is a story of service, of people who went far beyond helping. The characters set aside their own needs and extended themselves into a difficult situation. They helped with specific tasks, but the true difference they made flowed from the lasting relationships they fostered. Actions mattered, but friendships changed the course of a lfe.
Jesus said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, the servant of all.” (Mark 9)
How have you experienced the difference between help and service?
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