Hi. This is Becky attempting to share a bit of the “rest of the story”.
I’ve never done a guest blog. I have a lot of ideas, but I don’t usually have the patience to actually write them down. I tell them to Rich, and he sort of nods and says, “Yeah, that’s a great idea, you should write that.” I really want him to write it, but it never happens.
But for the past several weeks, the nudge to share “out loud” has been growing. Our friend Jon Swanson encouraged me to share this experience because someone might gain that “aha” moment of insight.
I look forward to hearing from you. Please let me know if this particular experience connects with you.
When I came back into Rich’s life in 2000 I was amazed at how much I didn’t know about disability and accessibility. It’s been a constant twelve-year learning process, and I still discover new things. Mostly I’m amazed by the grace, generosity, and helpfulness we encounter. People genuinely go out of their way to be inclusive and welcoming.
However…there are rare moments when insensitivity simply amazes me.
On our recent trip to DC we visited Mount Vernon, home of George Washington. We understood that it would be a difficult day. Gravel paths, brick walkways, narrow doorways, stairs…it’s just impossible to achieve perfect accessibility while preserving the historic character of an 18th century estate.
We negotiated the path to the mansion and encountered a line waiting to enter. I wasn’t sure where to go, the gravel made it hard to maneuver, it was hot, and I didn’t want to wander. So I asked a guide for direction.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t let you cut in line. You’ll have to go to the back. But you can leave the wheelchair over there in the shade.”
Wheelchair? Was she calling Rich “a wheelchair”? She didn’t say “my husband” or “the guy in the wheelchair” or even “the crippled guy.” To her he was an object, a thing to get out of the way.
First I was speechless. Then I was angry. Then I was REALLY angry. I pushed Rich…I mean the “wheelchair, with Rich sitting in it”, to the back of the line. It was a tough, bumpy, uncomfortable ride for him, and I was out of energy.
I really wanted to ask the guide if she realized what she said. I wanted to tell her that Rich is a person, not a thing. I wanted to tell her how tired we were but this tourist day was for me because I love visiting historical sites. Rich really didn’t want to go to an “un-accessible” tour but he went because I wanted to go to the home of our country’s first President. He was enduring the challenges for me, not because he was eager to be a tourist.
After I calmed down I found another guide and shared my frustration. She was very kind and apologetic, and offered a wonderful photo tour of the entire property, including the inaccessible locations.
I take from this experience two lessons. First, I can seek opportunities to help others understand our needs. I can’t assume others know what we need unless we speak clearly and with compassion. It’s not sufficient to complain. I need to be part of the solution, and sometimes that’s as simple as letting others know the power of their words.
Second, God does provide opportunities to demonstrate grace. I could have assumed best intentions from a guide standing in extreme heat dealing with impatient crowds. Perhaps I might have sought an opportunity to discuss her comment with her. If that didn’t seem appropriate, at least I might have prayed for patience and sensitivity from both of us.
Thank you for being aware and intentionally building an inclusive community. Thank you for building the temporary ramps, for finding a restaurant without steps to meet for dinner, and for seeing us as Becky and Rich—two people, Together on a Journey of Hope.
These issues aren’t easy. Neither is writing about them. But RICH’S RIDE is about sharing the story, and if Monte can write about his experiences, I guess I can do my part as well.
Thanks for following along and being part of the circle. It’s difficult to describe how much that means to us.
Please leave a comment here.
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well done, becky! i know because of our time together on the IJM Freedom tour I have a much different perspective on what i need to be mindful of. grateful that you’re willing to share in the journey and that your and Rich’s ( monte too) presence have and will continue to impact many.
Tom, thank you for taking the time to send your comments and encouragement. I hope to continue to find my voice and courage to share “out loud”.
Well, Becky, it seems like you might have a part of the job security with your husband in writing your perspective! That was pretty special and enlightening! You two are the best! Carine
Thank you for your pespective,Becky. It is very valuable.
Warren
Nice job Becky! I enjoyed reading this and sharing in your experience. Life and relating to others, especially strangers, can be frustrating at the best of times. Your circumstances must make it doubly frustrating. Thank you for sharing.
My thoughts about the line attendant are that maybe she thought Rich could actually walk and was saying that he had to leave his wheelchair off to the side. I am sure she must see many people who use a wheelchair for less than what Rich uses his for. Perhaps those who have “used” the wheelchair for personal comfort are a source of irritation for her and thus she took her feelings out on you and Rich. Either way, communication is an awesome tool that perhaps the general we don’t use effectively enough. You and Rich are an impressive pair and I am honored to say I know you. 🙂
Monica, thanks so much for commenting on the blog. Yes, I know what you are saying…I was hopeful about the guide’s words and looking for best intentions. Unfortunately, we heard what she said and also saw and felt her intentions. I actually stopped in my tracks, stunned and stung. I wanted so badly to “make it better”…right then and there. But sensing the tension in the air and the “heat of the day”, I wasn’t going to change someone’s attitude with my bad attitude. The opportunity this “event” has given me is to now move forward with more boldness, compassion and advocacy. I am learning new things every day and hope to find the best avenues to share with others. Hope to see you again very soon.
That wasn’t so hard now was it? Me thinks you have just become a regular contributor. 🙂
Hi Clark, thank you for your encouragement. Actually, this bit of writing started the day after the visit to Mount Vernon. In my frustration and anger, I put words down on paper. I shared them with Rich a few days later. Then on our way home, I vented my frustration out to John and Nancy Swanson. So, here we are, weeks and weeks later beginning the new chapter of sharing from my place in the journey. I hope the words will become an added value and less of a vent of anger!