Do you ever experience one of “those” days?
I don’t want to be here right now.
The past twenty-four hours have not been much fun. I’m angry and impatient. It’s one of those situations that shouldn’t bother me but it does and I want to fix it but I can’t and I wish I could do something but there’s nothing I can do and I want to scream but that would be stupid.
That’s how it feels—a crummy run-on sentence of frustration and fear. I just want to tell the whole world, or at least a few of the world’s people, to take a big flying leap.
I feel like smacking someone in the head. I want to play computer solitaire all day, ignore the phone, close the email, and tell everyone to just LEAVE ME ALONE!!
It’s preposterous to be this angry, but today that’s just how it is.
Do you know about “that” kind of day?
Get over it?
So … what to do? I know it’s not as simple as Just Get Over It. I tried some of the things in my list of How To Get Past The Blues. Mostly I just wanted to slap myself for making it sound so trite.
I know I’m not supposed to let stuff get me down. I tried telling that to myself, and myself replied, “Shut up!”
I prayed and told God about my dissatisfaction and disappointment. I tried to listen, but the clamor of my own emotions drowned out whatever He said in response.
Except…maybe that’s not true. Once I realized that I faced a difficult morning, I made a conscious choice to get on with work. I opened my normal morning reading, certain that nothing worthwhile would appear. In a couple of different reflections I encountered these two statements:
- The greatest causes of my unhappiness are my run-away thoughts and feelings.
- I’ve created a lot of pain for myself by dwelling on the past and obsessing about the future. I’m always rehashing the mistakes I made and feeling ashamed, or remembering someone else’s and feeling angry.
Hmmm … is it possible that those are thoughts I needed to hear? Any possibility that I didn’t encounter them by chance?
I didn’t suddenly become Mr. Sunshine. As I said above, I really don’t want to be here.
A friend’s wise response
So on my Facebook status I wrote, “Beautiful sunny morning, supposed to get into the ’50’s. So why am I working so hard to stay positive?”
And one of my friends replied, “Because you can.”
What an amazing response! I wanted someone to commiserate, but her three words spun things in a totally different direction. I realized that I don’t FEEL like writing, but I’m choosing to write anyway.
How about that? I’m not a slave to my feelings! I sat in the reality of this verse (#9 in my list of 100 Significant Scriptures):
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Our feelings exist for a reason. We need to face them and deal with them. Denial isn’t a good option.
But we don’t HAVE to react to them. We’re free, if we choose, to step off the treadmill of run-away feelings and to decide on a different course.
Choosing
So I don’t want to be here, and maybe these won’t be the best words I’ve ever written, and maybe this isn’t going to be the happiest day ever. I can still choose to stick with it. I can follow through on my commitments to people who count on me. I can try to keep in mind the True-North principles in which I still believe.
God gives you and me the opportunity to choose, each moment, whether we react to our feelings or respond to our beliefs. And when we mess up—which for me is most of the time—He smiles and says, “Start over. Try again.”
God is about an eternal New Beginning. Today I’m just trying to be grateful for that even though I don’t feel like it.
Want to join me? I hope so, because I still don’t want to be here.
I came because I need you.
How do you get past a day like this?
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