I Got Nothing

Here’s this week’s contribution to the One-Word-At-A-Time Blog Carnival. I encourage you to click the link and check out some of the other carnival attractions. This week’s word is:

EMPTINESS

 

Have you done emptiness? I have.

For thirty years I scrambled after FULL. The world offers all sorts of ways to pretend-fill your soul, and I tried most of them. Things probably appeared pretty good from the outside, but it was all smoke and mirrors. I knew the lie, ran faster toward the illusion, and found even more fluff that occupied space but filled nothing.

Finally when I couldn’t fool myself any longer, when the hole in my heart drained meaning faster than I could cram in the space-filling junk, I cried out to no one in particular: I GOT NOTHING!

Emptiness.

Jesus spoke into my heart, but I didn’t really get it. Instead of meeting Him, I got religion and discovered a new way to fake-fill the void.

I learned about the bible, about God. I learned all sorts of stuff about Jesus, filled my head with facts and theology as though a crammed brain could replace a barren heart.

Then—the accident. Broken body, broken spirit, anger, depression—no amount of head knowledge could conceal a shattered soul that longed for something, anything, to plug the gaping cavity.

Desperately tried suicide, but broken hands couldn’t grip the knife. I looked toward this Jesus who promised to be with me and screamed: I GOT NOTHING.

Emptiness.

A whisper so quiet, felt more than heard. Slowly, in the darkness of a hospital room and the clamor of a rehab ward, the quest for FULL faded. I didn’t notice at first, too much anger and bitterness, but slowly, imperceptibly, the life-long wound began to heal

I saw the cross with new clarity, focused on the man who hung there, deserted and alone, for my sake. He screamed in agony, “Why have you forsaken me?”

Emptiness.

The whisper again, a bit clearer this time, inviting me to freedom, showing me that there’s nothing I can do to earn love that’s a gift of grace. I can let go of false and fake and pretend, release my own self-absorbed attempt to be my own savior. No pretense, no religion, no pompous theology can accomplish what’s already been done for me.

I can stop the nonsense, release the fear, understand that there’s nothing I can bring to add or detract from His sacrifice. Finally, I understand: I GOT NOTHING.

Emptiness.

Finally—peace, rest, and emptiness.

Have you experienced the difference between emptiness that’s a void and emptiness that’s completely filled with His love?

Did you enjoy this article? I encourage you to leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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