What Are You After?

No thought or action is without its effects, present or ultimate, seen or unseen, felt or unfelt. Norman Cousins

I think we’re all trying to get others to join our circle.

We might be selling a product or service, promoting an idea, or just looking for connection. Some of us want to teach or learn (hopefully together). There are probably lots of other reasons.

It’s a basic human need. A desire for relationship, for love and belonging, is a major aspect of how God created us in His image.

So as you seek to expand your own circle, here’s a question: What are you after?

I ask because I’m pretty sure you’re a lot more likely to get what you want if you go after it intentionally. I spin my wheels a lot—especially bad for a wheelchair user—when I ignore this somewhat obvious principle.

First, my errors. Here are some thoughts on what I’m not after.

WHAT I’M NOT AFTER

Attention. After all, it’s relatively easy to grab attention. Say something offensive or controversial. Send a whole bunch of spam email or junk advertising. Heck, just stand on a busy corner and yell, and you’ll get plenty of attention.

Some folks are really good at attracting attention. A few have figured out how to make a lot of money at it.

On the Internet, attention is all about the most Twitter followers, Facebook friends, and web site hits. It sounds a little like junior high school. Can’t you just hear that annoying kid chanting, “I got more friends than you”?

In business, attention is the loudest commercial, the craziest promotional stunt, the most eyeballs on your billboard. Our local newspaper (yes, we still have one) runs an ad every Saturday for a particular store that’s having a clearance sale. Every week! It’s been running for years. Becky and I chuckle at it so I guess it got our attention. We’ve also never been in the store.

Make a lot of noise, and you’ll get attention.

Of course, the noise will also irritate a lot of people. You’ll only get their attention once; then they’ll just avoid you. But there’s always another corner, another city, another audience.

Attention isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m just thinking that it’s better if people give their attention as a by-product of something a little more substantial than noise.

Reputation. Have you ever met someone with a great reputation and discovered that what’s behind the screen doesn’t match the public perception?

The trouble with reputation is that it might just be a more skillful use of noise.

Reputation can be about spinning the noise, casting it in the best possible light. Reputation can be about substance, but it can also be the result of carefully crafted smoke and mirrors.

Reputation’s all about perceptions. Accurate or not, real or manufactured, perception is reality when it comes to reputation. Your reputation is whatever others believe about you.

Reputation can be a good thing, but it’s like attention. It’s probably best acquired by seeking something else..

WHAT I AM AFTER

Influence. That needs a bit of explanation, because “influence” sometimes connotes something like manipulation or control. That’s definitely NOT what I’m after.

The sort of influence I’m talking about is a long-term thing. It involves building trust through seeking ways to empower others. It’s not something you can create quickly.

You can’t cultivate influence with everyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t scale it. That’s why I write blogs and e-books, why I love speaking to folks, and why I published Relentless Grace.

I hope that sharing my experiences and perspectives helps someone else. If it does, they’ll tell others and I’ll get a little more attention—more Twitter followers and Facebook friends, more web site hits.

I hope that Relentless Grace inspires readers to believe in hope and second chances. If so, they’ll spread the word and I’ll sell a few more books. I may even get a bit of a reputation as a writer.

But the attention, sales, and reputation are just noise unless they’re based on something more foundational. I’m just not interested in making noise.

My goal is to prompt a conversation, to spark your thinking. I want us to explore together issues related to life and faith. If that happens, I’ll get what I’m after.

MAYBE IT’S THE WRONG WORD?

I’m wondering if influence might be the wrong word for what I’m trying to describe. If you’re on a similar path, perhaps you can suggest a better term.

So what are you thinking? As you seek to expand your circle, what are you after?

You don’t have to be a “person of influence” to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me. Scott Adams